February 11th, 2013 -

FOREWARD TO THIS BLOG:

I have two sets of amazing Grandparents, Carl & Yolanda Urbano and Gene & Shirley Schultheis. Due to recent occurrences, this blog post is a tribute to my Grandpa Gene but I am in no way leaving out or discounting my Grandparents Urbano! I love you both and want to tell your story separately. Thank you.

My family lost an incredible man this week –  my Grandpa Gene Schultheis that has truly rendered me speechless when trying to write about him these past couple of months. The virtues my Grandpa will be remembered for are far too enumerated for me to list, but I know the one thing I will remember him for – and that’s true, unaltered, unconditional love given completely to me and my family because of nothing but choice.

After my journey home to Vietnam, I learned “the rest of the story” of my parents journey to America – something that I really couldn’t see before until traveling back to meet my parents families for the first time and realizing many heartbreaking but also very  humbling truths about love and family. “The rest of the story” is not actually about the successes of my family, but actually about my Grandparents: Gene & Shirley Schultheis, and Carl & Yolanda Urbano who taught me and gave me one of the greatest gifts a human being could ever ask for – and that’s chosen family.

As you’ve read in previous blog posts of mine, my parents are both immigrants from Vietnam; coming over to the United States in 1975 during the Vietnam War escaping a war-torn country. For a recap of their journey, here is my 4th of July blog about their journey: Celebrating Independence For My Family.

A recap of where we left off with my parents story as told from my 4th of July blog:
After taking their own separate journeys of leaving their home country of Vietnam, both my parents ended up in internment camp at Camp Pendelton, California where they met and fell in love. Both of them came to America with no knowledge of this country – they didn’t know anything about the culture, the language, the people – but in search of a better life, my parents came to the United States with nothing but the clothes they were wearing.

And here is the rest of the story:
After the United States had a huge influx of Vietnamese immigrants due to the war, they put all the refugees at internment camp at Camp Pendelton, California until they could figure out how to displace them in the US. All the while, not only were my parents in a new country with no knowledge of where they were and what their future was going to be, but they had plenty of time to realize that they had to completely start over a new life from ground zero. When I went home to Vietnam, one of the greatest things I learned was about the sacrifices my parents have made in their lifetime. Imagine right now that China comes to Seattle, rips apart our city and burns the place down. Somehow you miraculously escape onto a boat, and end up in China, not knowing anything about the culture, can’t understand the language they speak, and now with the realization that you will never see your family again; you may never talk to your family again; the life you used to have no longer exists; you need to learn a completely new language and culture to survive; and somehow, you have to decide if and how to go on with the rest of your life from this point forward, with no one. This is unfortunately the hard truth that my parents faced.

My parents stayed in this internment camp for nearly 4 months contemplating this new harsh reality. The thought of having to uproot and get thrown into a foreign country to never see my parents or brothers again is excruciating and how my parents found the resilience and strength to say – OK, this is it, I’m moving forward; time to learn English and build a life – is far beyond me. What happened next, however, was the key to my parents survival in this new life, but also the reason my family even exists today and in the way that it does. And it’s all thanks to my Grandparents Carl & Yolanda Urbano, and Gene & Shirley Schultheis.

Our story with Grandpa Gene & Grandma Shirley:
Back in Colton, Washington – a small, farming community of 300 people – the Catholic Church had sent out an all-call to families to see if they could sponsor any of the Vietnamese refugees that had recently come to this country. 7 families including Gene & Shirley Schultheis, pooled their resources together and sponsored a group of them to come to Colton to start their new lives. My dad, an 18-year old soldier, arrived in this all White-Caucasian town as we can only imagine, as quite the outsider. Although the 7 families were integral parts of my family history and still are involved today, for some reason Gene & Shirley took it upon themselves to go above and beyond the notion of sponsoring, and decided to take in my dad quite simply as their son. When my parents got married and my mom moved up to Colton to be with my dad, my Grandparents Gene & Shirley took them in and supported them – they gave them a home, found them jobs, helped them with English, but above all, my Grandparents gave them someone not only to call Mom and Dad, but someone to be their Mom and Dad. Gene and Shirley gave my parents the greatest gift to receive as a human being- they gave my parents a loving family.

My parents had lost everything but their life coming to this country, especially family. When I went back to Vietnam to meet my blood relatives who are most definitely still family, I learned of the sacrifice and pain my parents have endured to leave parts of those bonds and that love behind. But I also learned how important my Grandpa Gene & Grandma Shirley are and how intricately they were woven into the fabrics of our family because of no other reason but their selfless choice to weave us in. We did not marry into this family, and they surely were not looking to have more children. It was merely a choice thanks to God to deliver us to the Schultheis family and for them to just decide to make us a part of their own.

My Grandparents were there at our births, graduations, sports games, baptisms, holidays, weddings – even divorces, not to mention receiving the same wonderful Christmas present every year from them still to this day. They gave my parents a Mom and Dad. They gave our family a home, twice actually when we lived with them for awhile. They gave my brother a job out on the farm, and I’m pretty sure Grandpa Gene was the Creator of “I got your nose”, although that game confused me quite a bit when I was little girl. Grandpa Gene also made my dad quit smoking when we were kids, a knee to bounce on and undeniable fashion sense with his hats and suspenders. My Grandparents also encouraged me, told me they were proud of me, and were the ones responsible for telling me from the get go how beautiful of a writer I was and to never stop. I write because of them.

I know a lot of us have chosen family – especially through marriage and adoption (and my Grandparents selflessly did that too). My family has had the unique experience of gaining chosen family, however, not because of any of the traditional ways, but simply because of two great people that had empathy, and  just made the choice to give selflessly, whole-heartedly, and unconditionally their love to make our lives better – to make our family what it is today and forever.

To my Grandpa Gene who we lost this weekend – it is overwhelming thinking about the amount of love and what you have provided for me and my family, simply because you chose to. A hardworking farmer with an even softer heart, you were the foundation of our family here in America and we would not be a family or have survived without your love, guidance, and truly – just being a Father to my parents, and a Grandfather to my brothers and I. You and Grandma always tell us how proud you have been to be a part of our family, but it is an understatement to tell you how honored we are to even have the opportunity to make you proud. I love you, and I will miss you with all of my heart.

To one of the most selfless, loving, greatest men I will ever know – my life will always be in part a tribute to you, Grandpa Gene.